I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
