somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
