dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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