Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
