I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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