Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
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I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
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I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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