I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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