I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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