$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
