Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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