Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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