i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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