I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
