the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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