I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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