I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
