I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
