Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
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So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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