you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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