Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
