I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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