just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
