Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
