Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dignity is for republicans.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
