We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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