You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Two words: blizzard sex
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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