So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
