i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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