Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
wanna go halves on a baby?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I forget how to act sober
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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