He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
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Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila