I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
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onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
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I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.