Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions