I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!