Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
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Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
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You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?