i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers