Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize