I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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