I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
