Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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