Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
