I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize