I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
