I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it's like iHOP with fire
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
