i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
