All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
