I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize