Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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