Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Enjoy the penises
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
