Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
