my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
