would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
