Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
