I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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