I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
