i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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