If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
