Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
