good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
