who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize