cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You ruined the universe
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
