The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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