my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
