It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
