Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
