You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
