Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
