when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I looked at my own cervix.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
