I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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