Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
