so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
