There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
